Today was D-Day. It took all of five minutes to put an end to almost seven years of marriage. My attorney and I walked into the Judges chambers, and while they chatted about a seminar they had recently attended, his honor signed three copies of the final decree. When he was finished, he smiled, stood up, and ended the marriage with “Congratulations and Merry Christmas. You are divorced.” Separation of church and state my ass…
And so begins another chapter. Today is a day I have been looking forward to for a long while. This isn’t the end of one life and the start of another. It’s more of a transition. I’m moving forward, growing, and have so many new adventures to look forward to. I took my maiden name again so tonight, M will finally get his shot at that “little (insert maiden name here) girl” he knew in high school. That’s right; we’re delayed high school sweethearts. We were in the choir together.
tags: Divorce, Family, Me and Twitchy McGee author: Manda comments: 4 Comments
I have no idea who chaosofwar@hotmail.com is. But, he sent me a text message yesterday that said, “friggin buttsex”. It made my day. Thank you chaosofwar@hotmail.com.
tags: Buttsex, FUKUDOME author: Manda comments: 3 Comments
This is a conversation that I was forced into at the end of one of the most stressful days I have had at work. This woman is the office manager for one of our clients. It makes me sad knowing her salary is probably double what mine is. What you can’t see is me giving my monitor the finger at the end of the conversation and my supervisor overlooking the repeated gesture after she realized what I was frustrated about. She begged me not to quit because if I do she will have to take over this account . Welcome to one hour of my day. Yes, I did ignore her for 6 minutes hoping she would go away.
3:59 PM R: WE RECEIVED MORE CHECKS TODAY, YAHOO
4:00 PM OCTOBER AND NOVEMBER DATES, SOME MEDICAL TOO AND SOME PPO, HMO
CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT REPORT TO BRING UP AND WE CAN SEE THE DEPOSITS
OR A SUMMARY TO DEPOSITS FOR DIFFERENT DATES
MANDA, ARE YOU THERE
6 minutes
4:07 PM R: HI MANDA, ARE YOU THERE
4:08 PM me: Yes, I am here. Great news about the checks coming in.
If you go to reports and search Daily Deposit you can get the info
R: WILL THAT INCLUDE THE CHECKS THAT WE HAVE SENT YOU
4:10 PM me: yes.
We just got the box this afternoon that you sent last week
4:11 PM R: ALRIGHT, I AM LOOKING AT THE SUMMARY OF DEPOSITS
SOMETHING DOES NOT LOOK RIGHT, IT SAYS THAT WE HAVE RECEIVED 157,612,01 SINCE 10/01/07 THRU 11/28/07, IS THAT AN ACCURATE FIGURE
AMANDA, CAN YOU LOOK AT THE SUMMARY REPORT FOR DR UNDER RECEIPTS?
me: summary for what? How much has been deposited for each dr?
Denise and I are tying to get these reports together for you guys right now
4:14 PM R: YES, THIS IS SAYING THE TOTAL IS $157, 612.01, IS THAT ACCURATE
SHOULDN’T THE REPORT BE ON IMS REPORTS
4:15 PM me: yes, we are getting together a few different ones and making sure they match the deposits that were made
what dates are you running the summary for?
4:16 PM R: OK, WILL YOU SHOW ME WHERE TO LOOK WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED, I AM RUNNING 10/01/07 THRU 11/28/07 POSTING
4:17 PM me: practice summary
4:18 PM choose by billing
hit go
enter the dates of 10/01/2007 to 11/28/2007
(or just double click instead of go)
select dr b and dr s
4:19 PM the total receipts should be $213499.87
R: I AM UNDER BILLING REPORTS BUT I AM STILL LOOKING FOR THE PRACTICE SUMMARY
4:20 PM me: it isnt under billing
go to all
R: OOPS,
4:21 PM R: WHERE IS THE PRACTICE SUMMARY
4:22 PM me: go to reports and choose all
4:24 PM R: OH, I FOUND IT I THINK, IT SAYS RECEIPTS FROM 11/03/07 THRU 12/03/07 67, 469.21
4:25 PM me: You have to change the date if you want to see past dates
4:28 PM R: YOU KNOW AMANDA, IT LOOKS GOOD ON THE REPORT BUT IS THIS SINCE YOU STARTED TO DO ALL OF THE POSTING
4:30 PM me: Did Lynn actually post anything in October. I thought all of the eob’s were sent to us for the month.
4:31 PM R: OH, YES, YOU ARE RIGHT, AM I LOOKING AT THE RIGHT REPORT
4:32 PM R: PRACTICE SUMMARY (A/R) FOR BILL (BY ACTUAL DATE)
me: not A/R
billing
R: YOU SAID TO GO UNDER ALL REPORTS SUMMARY BY DOCTORS
4:33 PM I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THE REPORT THAT YOU HAVE
4:36 PM BEFORE YOU GO HOME, PLEASE EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS TO ME, THANKS, I KNOW THAT YOU ARE BUSY RIGHT NOW
4:37 PM me: practice summary
general
by billing
4:39 PM did you get that?
4:41 PM R: THAT GIVES US THE RECEIPTS, WE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE RECEIPTS/DEPOSIT
SORRY I MEANT TO SAY IT GIVE US THE BILLING, WE ARE INTERESTED IN THE RECEIPT
4:42 PM me: That gives you the receipt amount
4:43 PM R: I JUST DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO WHAT YOU HAVE, I AM SORRY, I DID AS YOU SAID AND I CANNOT GET IT
me: you are under all reports?
R: YES I AM UNDER REPORTS
me: do you see practice summary?
4:44 PM R: YES, THAN I DO GENERAL
me: then by billing
4:45 PM R: YES PS FOR BILL( PERFORMING DOCTOR)
OK, I DID
me: now at the top enter the date range of 10/01/2007
4:46 PM to 11/28/2007
Highlight Dr B and Dr S
wait
R: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID IT WRONG
me: dont pick the one that says performing
just billing
R: OKAY, I DID THE ONE FOR BILLING PRACTICE SUMMARY FOR BILL ( BY ACTUAL DATE, 10/01/07 TO 11/28/07, AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK NOW
me: yes
does your total receipts say $213449.87
R: OK, I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR TODAY, THANKS AGAIN AND LET US KNOW YOUR OUTCOME ON YOUR REPORT, THANKS AGAIN
4:51 PM me: OK, Denise will be sending you all of that info.
4:52 PM R: THANKS, WILL SHE BE SENDING BY EMAIL OR CHAT
me: I am not sure
probably email
4:53 PM R: OK, JUST KEEP US POSTED, SO THIS REPORT IS ACCURATE THAT YOU JUST SHOWED ME?
4:54 PM me: yes
tags: Giving the Finger, Work author: Manda comments: 1 Comment
We were on our way to the grandparents’ house for my nephew’s birthday party when an Ovaltine ad came on the radio. It’s nothing new for Alien to rattle on about something that happened at school or something he thinks he knows everything about. Being the great parents that we are we usually try to tune him out. I say try because he talks so loud he makes sure you at least know that he IS saying something. For some reason I was actually listening to him when I heard him say, “Ovaltine, I bet that is what Carrie drinks.”.
“Why do you think that Alien?”
“I don’t know, cause she chases me around the playground all the time.”
“So, what does that have to do with Ovaltine?”
“I don’t know. She is crazy”.
“Is she pretty like Camryn (Camryn being one of only two girls he will say is pretty)?”
“No WAY, she’s not pretty! She doesn’t have any teeth. Only two. And one veers to the North. And one veers to the South.”
Now, we assume he meant East and West being that teeth normally point in the direction of North and South, but there is really no telling with this kid. He thinks Ovaltine makes her crazy enough to chase him.
By the way, spell check doesn’t recognize the word Ovaltine. Instead, it suggests ‘ovulating.’ Maybe he is right. Maybe Ovaltine is the reason she is chasing him.
tags: Toddler Tales author: Manda comments: 1 Comment
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday to celebrate. This was the first year I have taken the kiddos trick-or-treating all on my own. It was also the first year that Damien was able to walk up to the doors alongside Alien. He didn’t seem very sure about the whole experience until after we walked up to the second house and realized what it was that people were dropping into his bag. He soon became a master treater. He drug his bag behind him wearing a mischievous grin as we went from house to house collecting the loot. I followed behind snapping pictures of the two as we went along. Everyone was happy and laughing until we came upon the house of an old toothless man who could hardly stand. He held out a bowl of candy and said “taaaake aaallll youuuuu waaaant.” (that was slow motion old man talk. ) The kids reluctantly grabbed one piece each from the shaking bowl. As we walked away Alien, wearing a solemn look turned to me and said, “Mom, this is going to be that man’s last Halloween.” I was dumbfounded. I had no idea what I should say to that. I responded with a simple, “Yeah buddy, you are probably right.”
Anyway, somehow I decided that filling our house with kindergarteners and giving them cupcakes and candy would be a good idea. It was definitely fun… but a good idea… well, probably not. Below are a few photos of some of the goodies I baked (monkey brains) and chaos that ensued. 
tags: Holiday, Toddler Tales author: Manda comments: 1 Comment
Two nights ago M and I made our relationship public. After a month of seclusion, we went on our first “date”–The County Fair. We saw some familiar faces, received a few “What the hell?!” looks, and got a few grins from those who know us. It was a typical night at the fair; midget carnies, puppet people (No Bunny, Madame wasn’t there. If she had been it would have made for a spectacular evening), and poor injured souls who mustered up what they could of their strength to walk cause ain’t no-one missin’ The County Fair!
Speaking of souls that could hardly walk; it just so happened that I was one of them that night. I had been feeling pretty rotten (not like that) for a few days and seemed to be getting a little worse. Before we left I started running a fever but I am stubborn, and like the hordes of handicapped, I was not going to miss the fair.
bad idea
The fever went higher, I got the chills, I was miserable, still I put on my game face because I really wanted the night to be fun, being that it was the “first date” and all. The thing is… It wasn’t fun because 1. We don’t drink beer 2. We are old. M obviously did not want to be there either, but we still managed to wander aimlessly for hours and eat some not-so-good for us food.
I have never been to a fair without eating a funnel cake and this one was not going to be the exception. I was feeling like crap and really didn’t need it, but I still wanted it and was going to have it. M waited miserably in line for fifteen minutes, if not more, to get the greasy powdered sugar covered delight. During the time he was in line a couple sat down at the end of the picnic table. They had NACHOS! I wanted nachos! Nachos = different line than the one M was already in. I debated going over to grab some cash from him so I could wait in the other line and get them but I really didn’t want them that badly. A few minutes later M sits down with the funnel cake, obviously frustrated by the imbeciles who were in front of him in the line, but I still couldn’t help myself. Here is a short version of the conversation.
Me: I NEEEEEEED NAAAAAACHOS.
M: No.
I begged, bargained, pleaded and whined to no avail. Apparently I am neither Genie nor Jedi. He didn’t waver. Yes, not only do I have the palette of a ten year old, I sometimes behave like one too. That man was made for me. I absolutely adore him.
So anyway, we quickly ate about 3/4 of the funnel cake and soon after decided it was time to leave the fair. Me shaking out of my skin and my chattering teeth in the 87 degree night were a pretty good indication that it was time to go.
I spent around seven hours of the next day in the ER while they tried to bring my fever down and figure out what was wrong with me. It took them draining me of blood and a CAT scan to figure out that I didn’t have a kidney stone; just a really nasty virus.
I am thinking that if M would have bought me the nachos they would have killed the virus and I would be all better now. But, oh well, I guess we will never know. I’m going to have to wait for the do-over first date before having my cheesy, stale, salty treat (yeah, that sounds gross) at the movies.
tags: Me and Twitchy McGee author: Manda comments: 5 Comments
